Honor Your Truth
Speaker Kevin Fisher-Paulson
Over the years, I have attended countless lectures on the art of memoir, but few speakers have resonated as deeply as Kevin Fisher-Paulson. I attended a presentation that was less of a lecture and more of a pilgrimage. Fisher-Paulson—a father, husband, poet, and Captain of the Honor Guard for the San Francisco Sheriff’s Department—didn't need slides or projectors. He simply stood before us with his truth and his memoir, A Song for Lost Angels.
"What is the truth?" he asked, his voice booming before softening into a whisper. "It is a fact of life that we embrace."
Fisher-Paulson illustrated this with a poignant story about his Irish Catholic grandmother, who defied early-20th-century norms by marrying a Protestant. Their compromise was simple: his grandfather would name the children, but his grandmother would raise them Catholic. Consequently, his mother was named Vivian legally but baptized as Ruth. She only discovered her official name while applying for a nursing certificate. At that crossroads, she chose to stay "Nurse Vivian." That choice, Kevin argues, is the heart of a memoir.
“Truth isn't just a list of events; it’s the fact we choose to live by.”
Kevin quickly distinguished the memoir from fiction. While a memoirist must dramatize life to keep the reader engaged, they must never fabricate. "Don't put lipstick on a pig," he cautioned. To dramatize is to find the tension in reality, not to invent it. He warned against erasing the "bad parts" of our history, noting that a memoir that only lists successes reads like a dry autobiography. To keep a reader’s attention, you must dare to be interesting.
For Fisher-Paulson, writing is a journey toward identity. He spoke candidly about his own: "I am a white gay man with an adoptive black child." He occupies multiple roles—Kevin Fisher-Paulson, the author, and Kevin Paulson, the Captain. A memoir is the process of embracing how we are all "different things" at once.
He suggested a practical (and slightly messy) starting point for any aspiring writer: keep a "dirty notebook" by your bed. Wake fifteen minutes early every day and write. By the end of a year, you will have a 365-day record of your soul.
Kevin’s Ten Rules for Memoir Writers (Use a Styled List or Individual Text Blocks with bold headers for each rule.)
Collaborate: Never say no to a reasonable request from a fellow writer.
Dare to be Worthy: Find the moments in your life that demand to be told.
The 90-Day Sprint: Write two pages every morning for 90 days. Your memoir is hidden in those pages.
Leap into the Odd: Write about the oddest moment of your life and the specific article of clothing you wore.
No Secrets: Take the risk. If it's a secret, it’s probably the heart of the story.
Connect the Meaning: Talk to those who know you; connect their stories to your timeline.
Start with a Crisis: Begin on your most horrible day. Raise the stakes and don’t resolve them until the end.
Truth over Glamour: Write your saddest moment and the music that accompanied it. Don't hide the loss.
Practice the Narrative: Tell your story repeatedly until the rhythm is right.
Choose Your Truth: Embrace the version of your life that holds the most meaning.
Fisher-Paulson ended with a witty distinction: while musicians and artists might hide away in rooms or under rocks to create, writers are inherently social creatures. We thrive in the exchange of stories.
His parting assignment to the class? Write three pages on how you got your tattoo. If you don't have one, write about your favorite scar.
Whether we are detecting the truth of a cold case or the truth of our own hearts, it seems the method is the same: look closely, stay honest, and never fear the "dirty notebook."
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